


Cold

by bettyparker



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 12:20:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6906955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bettyparker/pseuds/bettyparker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wakes up with and ache in his chest and he’s cold. He’s always cold these days. No matter what he does, he can’t get warm, like the coldness settled in his bones.</p>
<p>Post Civil War, Tony deals with the consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold

After Tony’s fight with Steve, things change. Tony calls Pepper and between the two of them and their best lawyers they start working on the Accords. The phone Steve sent sits untouched on Tony’s desk. Rhodey and Vision are the only ones that stay. The other Avengers can’t be found. He wants to laugh at Steve as he sits alone in the compound at night.

_We all need family. The Avengers are yours - maybe more so than mine._

Where are they now, then? Tony knows they’re with Steve and that sends a cold shiver down his spine. Steve lied. Again. Tony can’t help but wonder if anything was true. If he closes his eyes he can see Steve, sleeping next to him, sitting on the couch in the workshop, saying those three words. The images are almost always followed by the feeling of betrayal.

At night he dreams about Steve standing over him, shield raised high, ready to strike. He wakes up with and ache in his chest and he’s cold. He’s always cold these days. No matter what he does, he can’t get warm, like the coldness settled in his bones. He remembers how Steve used to wake up feeling cold, shaking, after a dream about the ice. He can bet Steve sleeps just fine now.

Two months after the split up, Pepper calls about the Accords. They meet up with the U.N. and Tony gives them one of the best speeches in his life. There is a deliberation but they decide to revoke the Accords and a trial for Ross is scheduled. They also make Barnes a war hero. Tony leaves the meeting shaking.

A week after that Bruce comes back. He apologizes and Tony forgives him because Bruce had nothing to do with the war. It’s clear that he wants to ask about Steve but he doesn’t. Tony leads him to the workshop to show him Rhodey’s X-rays. The moment he enters he knows he made a mistake. Steve’s shield is sitting in the corner, leaning on the wall. The shield is good as new, Tony fixed it as soon as he got home, but seeing it there suddenly makes it harder to breathe. The ache in his chest deepens and he can’t breathe. He finds himself back there, looking at the shield, waiting for Steve to strike. It’s cold, too cold, his lungs are freezing. Someone’s shaking him, but the snow clouds his vision. He can’t get warm and the reactor is shattered.

“TONY!”

The shout cuts through the fog of his mind and he remembers. He’s in the workshop with Bruce. He’s on the ground and Bruce is crouched in front of him, his eyes full of worry. Tony’s breathing is back to normal now. He’s still cold.

“I’m fine.”

Bruce helps him up and they sit on the bed. Tony tells Bruce everything. At the end, Bruce is silent. The next day Tony packs the shield and pays good money to be delivered to Wakanda without problems. He knows the shield got to Steve when the phone rings. Tony startles when that happens. He stares at the phone for a long time. It rings a few more times after that. Tony doesn’t answer. Instead, he drinks. But unlike other times, the alcohol doesn’t make him forget. It makes his heart throb and he feels colder than ever. He doesn’t bother to try to get warm. Nothing works. The first weeks after he started getting cold he tried dressing better, taking very hot showers and raising the temperature of the room. None of them worked.

Fury shows up after couple of days. Tony doesn’t even pretend to be surprised. He asks Fury if he knew and Fury doesn’t give him an answer. Tony takes it as a yes but he’s surprised to find that he’s not angry. Not as angry as he was, is, with Steve.

“I think Barnes should be included in the Avengers when he comes back with the Captain.”

Tony stares at Fury for a long time. He feels his stomach twist and he has an urge to throw up. He laughs instead. Fury looks at him like he’s lost his mind, and who knows, maybe he has.

“What Avengers?”

Fury flinches slightly at Tony’s biting tone. Vision comes and politely asks Fury to leave. When he does, Tony locks himself in his office. He looks at the desk and he feels like screaming. The phone Steve sent him is sitting on top of some files and Tony feels like it’s mocking him. He takes the phone and throws it. It hits the wall and shatters into pieces, much like his heart. Tony falls to the ground. He only breathes frozen air and he’s really cold. He wants to be back into Steve’s arms. He chuckles bitterly at that. Too fucking late.

The assembly alarm blares a week later. It stops all of them in their tracks. Rhodey looks at Tony waiting for his reaction. It takes everything for Tony to get it together and get the armor. By the time he suited up, Vision’s waiting for him. Tony calls Peter on the way to New York, and they meet up there to find robots attacking the city. They start destroying them. It’s slow going, just the three of them. It’s nothing like them team. Peter talks too much too fast and Tony wonders if the kid’s had too much sugar, Vision is silent, keeping to his job and Tony’s suit is unfamiliar but they make do. They have the situation under control when a familiar shield flies past Tony, destroying one of the robots.

“Need a hand?”

Tony freezes. He wants to say no. He wants to tell Steve to go away but he can’t. The snow is falling around him and the cold starts to intensify but before he can work himself into a panic attack he shakes himself. He has a job to do. He can deal with the rest later. The rest of the Avengers appear into view and the robots are destroyed in a couple of minutes. Tony doesn’t stay any moment longer. After he’s sure that all the robots are down, he takes off. He hears Peter shouting his name but he doesn’t stop.

Unfortunately for him, they follow him to the compound, and Fury’s with them. Bruce comes to the conference room where they’re waiting for Fury. He seems tense and he gives Steve and uncertain look before sitting down next to Tony. Peter comes in chatting with Scott Lang and he doesn’t even think before sitting on the other side of Tony. The last to come is Clint. He sits down on the other side of the room, away from Tony. Fury clears his throat and everyone goes silent. Tony doesn’t look at Steve at all. He keeps his eyes trained on Fury but he can feel Steve’s eyes on him. Fury talks about remaking the team and Tony wants to snort. There’s no way they can be a team right now. The others are a little reluctant but Clint is the one who speaks up.

“What about the Accords? As far as I know, we’re wanted people. And I’m still not signing that shit.”

Fury takes a deep breath before turning to look at Clint with an exasperated look.

“The Accords have been revoked, thanks to Stark. I see you haven’t been in touch with the outside world much, Barton.”Everyone turns to Tony and he feels the urge to run. Fury leaves but not before telling them to think about reassembling the team. Tony finds himself alone in a room with the others and he can’t help but see the divide. Rhodey, Vision, Peter and Bruce are seated near him while Clint, Wanda, Scott, T’Challa and Sam are on the other side of the room, near Steve. Natasha is sitting in between.

The air in the room is tense and Tony can’t stay there. He gets up, knocking his chair down in his haste to get out. He manages to get to his office before falling down. There are images playing on repeat in his mind. The video of his parents’ murder. Steve’s face full of sorrow and heartbreak. The betrayal, so deep it shook him to the core. And then he’s on the ground again. Steve’s preparing to deliver the final strike. Snow’s falling all around him and he’s cold. He just wants it to end. But Steve doesn’t kill him. Instead he slams the shield down and shatters Tony’s arc reactor, Tony’s heart. It’s hard to breathe as Tony watches Steve pick Bucky up and turn his back on him. The choice is made. And Tony knew all along that it would end like that.

He realizes two things when he comes back to himself. First, he’s shaking and there are tear stains on his cheeks. Second, Steve is kneeling in front of him, looking worried. Tony wipes furiously at his cheeks before pushing himself up and taking a few steps away from Steve. For a moment Steve looks stricken but he gathers himself quickly and gets up as well. The room is silent. Tony can’t see the others anywhere and he damns them for leaving him alone with Steve.

“What do you want, Rogers?”

Steve flinches at the name. Tony just glares at him. He’s still cold, so fucking cold, but at least the shaking stopped. Steve opens his mouth a couple of times before taking a deep breath and standing a little taller. Even with his current position, he looks vulnerable. His shoulders are hunched, he’s pale and there are dark circles under his eyes.

“I wanted to thank you. For what you did regarding the Accords. And I wanted to apologize in person.”Tony feels like punching him.

“Apologize? You already did that in your poor excuse of a letter. Consider your apology made. Anything else?”Steve looks like a kicked puppy but Tony doesn’t relent. After everything that happened, he doesn’t get off that easy.

“Tony… I’m really sorry. I- Bucky is my only link to the past. After Peggy died, I just couldn’t lose him too, I-“

“Peggy was my aunt.” That shuts Steve up. His eyes go wide and he opens his mouth but Tony signals him to shut up. He’s not done. “I lost her too that day. You didn’t care about that. All you cared about was your own grief. And you know what? I saw you kissing Carter. Shall I remind you that we were still in a relationship when you did that?”

“Tony, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how that happened. I was so alone and she just came to me and before I realized what was going on we were kissing. It meant nothing, I swear. I never thought about what Peggy meant to you, I- Oh God, I’m such an asshole. Tony, I’m sor-“

“Don’t. Stop saying you’re sorry.” Steve looks like he’s about to cry but Tony can’t stop now. “The thing is that I don’t even know if I believe you.” Steve is about to protest but

Tony silences him with a glare. “No, it’s time you listen to me. I could’ve gotten over the kiss and hell I let you grieve on your own. What I can’t forgive is the lie. When were you going to tell me? Were you hoping I would never find out? You knew what happened all along and you never told me. It makes me wonder what else you kept from me.”

Steve suddenly closes the distance between them and takes Tony’s hands in his. Tony hates the fact that his hands start to feel warm at the touch.

“Tony, no. That was the only thing I ever kept from you, I swear. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It wasn’t Bucky’s fault, he didn’t kill them. Hydra did. I knew that you’d hate him if I ever told you. But I was going to tell you and I’m sorry you had to find out like that.”

Tony looks away before pulling his hands out of Steve’s grasp. The cold surrounds him again but he ignores it.  
“I don’t believe you. Even if I did, Steve, you chose him. You fought me until we were both bloody and broken. I don’t know what you want from me here.”

“Tony, I didn’t choose him over you. I just couldn’t let you kill him. He’s my best friend.”

Tony actually snorts at that. “So where’s your other half then?”

Steve looks away but Tony catches the pained look on his face. “He went back into the ice until we can get the brainwashing fixed and find him a new arm”

Suddenly Tony feels really tired. He just wants this to end. He wants to sleep. He wants to feel warm again. He wants the ache to go away.  
“What do you want from me, Steve? Do you want me to help Barnes? Is that what this is?”

Steve looks at him again, but this time he doesn’t hide the pain in his eyes. “I want to fix this. I want to fix us.”

“Too little too late, Cap. There’s nothing left to fix.” Tony’s voice sounds defeated and he feels bone tired. “I can help you with Barnes. Bring him here and Bruce and I will do whatever we can.”

Steve is crying but then again, so is Tony. He doesn’t say anything else. He just nods and leaves. Tony goes to the workshop and starts working to keep himself busy.

By the time they bring Barnes to the compound Tony has the schematics for the arm ready. He filled Bruce in and they got the lab ready to begin. The next few weeks are full of work. Tony finishes the arm and they wake Barnes up to start getting rid of the brainwashing. The new arm is attached and Tony winces as he sees the little that’s left of the old one. By the looks of the wires, Tony knows it hurt like a son of a bitch and for the first time in a long time, he feels bad. He makes up for it by making a better arm that won’t hurt. Barnes looks at him in awe and before Tony knows what’s happening, Barnes is hugging and thanking him.

The nightmares and the cold don’t go away. He still gets panic attacks and his chest still aches but it’s getting better now that the others moved back. The team isn’t quite what it used to be but they’re getting there. With the help of Bruce, they were able to erase most of Hydra’s influence and Barnes actually started to grow on Tony.  
It’s one of Tony’s bad nights. The nightmare is still vivid in his head and he wakes up shaking violently. Every breath he takes feels like inhaling ice. He struggles to get himself together when strong arms wrap around his waist and warmth surrounds him. The familiar scent of Steve hits him and he can breathe again.

“Shh, Tony, you’re okay. I’m here, you’re safe. Breathe.”

And Tony does. He takes a deep breath and his chest doesn’t ache anymore. He feels safe. And then it’s like something snaps inside him because he starts crying. And Steve holds him and whispers apologies in his ear. When he finally stops, Steve lays them both down and Tony finds himself with his head on Steve’s chest.

“Hush, sweetheart. Try to sleep. I’ll keep you safe, I swear.”  
Tony doesn’t have the energy to reply. He feels warm for the first time since the war and he didn’t even realize how much he missed it. Missed Steve. Before he drifts off he hears Steve whisper softly in his ear.

“We’re going to be okay. I love you”

 

That night he sleeps without nightmares and he goes to sleep feeling something he hasn’t felt in a long time. Hope. Yeah, they’re going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't help myself. I love Tony and I had this idea ever since i saw the movie. Let me know what you think. :)


End file.
